Demons Within

 

“But…I do believe in demons. They exist within us, in the recesses of our souls, waiting for every opportunity to pounce on our hearts and minds, and to feed off the misery that we can create for ourselves and others.”

-Bill Dillard, Demons Within

 

Everybody has demons. Everybody.

Some people hide them better than others, and some people have yet to even become aware of their existence. But they are there, at least in some capacity. Some people’s demons aren’t really that bad, and aren’t excessively problematic or obviously destructive.

Some, however, are so damaging and blatantly ruinous that if they are not dealt with head-on, the prognosis for the possessed is truly perilous. Jails, institutions, and death is a common phrase amongst the afflicted, and the phrase is referring to the ultimate endpoint for the sufferer, when said demons are left unchecked.

These deadly demons to which I am so ominously referring are the demons of addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness. 

Demonic possession, whether one is taking the term literally or figuratively, is the unwilling relinquishment of one's body to a demon, which then controls a person's actions. The origins of these demons is still up for debate, with arguments stating their emergence is the result of free will, genetic disposition, or past experiences, amongst others. A full list of all the contributing factors is almost limitless, and could take up an entire essay in their own right.  

In modern times, these demons take shape in the form of medical diagnoses like Substance Use Disorder, Alcoholism, Bi Polar, Schizophrenia, and Anxiety. In earlier times, these demons were thought to literally be demons of supernatural and divine volition.

In Catholicism, they are the fallen angels that possessed its unwitting earthly victims without knowledge or consent, leaving the afflicted morally blameless. In Christianity, Satan is believed to engage in “spiritual attacks” in the midst of the eternal battle between Heaven and Hell. Islam holds the idea that malevolent creatures like Jinn, Shayatin, and ‘Afarit are held responsible for spirit possession.

The examples could go on ad infinitum, with African diasporic traditions, Haitian Vodou, Buddhist Māra, imbalances on the Yin side of Chinese theology, Wicca, and Shamanic traditions.

In contemporary times, of course, Demonic Possession is not a psychiatric or medical diagnosis recognized by any of the accepted diagnosing criteria, despite nearly 50% of people suffering from psychotic delusions outright claiming possession of some spiritual or religious entity.

However, regardless of how possession is described in modern times, Alcoholism and Addiction are diseases. In 1956, The American Medical Association recognized alcoholism as an illness, based on the theory that excessive drinking is caused by a disease that affects the structure and function of the brain.

And the thing we deal with….this obsessive and compulsive drinking and drug use…well it is a disease. And there is a stigma. But unfortunately for the sick and suffering, that stigma is well-earned. It’s rare that a person riddled with diseases of the body – the cancers, the flus, the Covid – it’s rare that they steal and lie and fight and push away their loved ones as a symptom of their disease. But that is what we do, and it’s certainly what I did, when in the throes of active addiction and alcoholism. Our disease is not only a disease of the mind, but a disease of spirit. As the Big Book of AA says, the alcoholic disease is a spiritual malady. And that’s precisely what it is.

Sometimes the malady is brought on by childhood trauma. Sometimes there really isn’t any trauma. Many alcoholics and addicts had good parents who were always there for them. They have no other alcoholics or drug addicts in the family. Something in their makeup just makes them completely void of spirituality, and it makes them turn to the drinks and drugs with a reckless abandon and unstoppable obsession.

And this cunning and baffling disease has no bias towards anyone. It doesn’t care if you are male or female, black or white, rich or poor. It doesn’t care if you’re twelve years old or eighty. It just rears its ugly head at every chance it gets, and it wants to take everything in your life. Especially your heart and soul.

These demons, and this disease, are things that I have been battling for decades, though I am proud and grateful to sincerely say that I have dealt with them, and as of today, I am winning that battle.

But it takes vigilance, surrender, acceptance, and a humble recognition that asking for help is required.

Because we need not face our troubles alone. Ever.

And you can’t give up when it gets hard. In recovery, you can keep going long after you can’t. Because you are not alone. Even if you have no other family, friends, or compassionate relationships with “normal” people, you have the fellowships of twelve step programs, counselors, sponsors, and spiritual advisors. You just need to ask, and you will never be abandoned, even when you feel the most retched and reckless, the most isolated and ill, and the most angry, pitiful, resentful, and vulnerable. When you feel like pushing against the world, and caving in to get the instant gratification of numbing the pain, and cowering from your problems, by turning to the bottle, the needle, or the powder and pills.

Even though those Demons are there, something else is there too. Something powerful. Because what also resides within us, is the strength, the hope, and the courage to cast out those demons. To fight them to the bitter end. But we can’t do it alone. We need the help of others, the suggestions of the seasoned warriors of those demonic battles, the fellowship of AA….and our Higher Power. And once we accept that help, and accept those reinforcements…then eventually…life starts to take on new meaning. To watch other people recover, then to see those people start to help others. To watch loneliness vanish, and to see life grow all around you. It really is a gift…and an experience that nobody should have to miss out on.

So never, ever give up. Life is out there, purpose is out there, and joy is available. You just have to find it, work for it, and accept it. And you must never, ever give up.

No matter what.

 

Mill P