“But…I do believe in demons. They exist within us, in the
recesses of our souls, waiting for every opportunity to pounce on our hearts
and minds, and to feed off the misery that we can create for ourselves and
others.”
-Bill Dillard, Demons Within
Everybody has demons. Everybody.
Some people hide them better than others, and some people have
yet to even become aware of their existence. But they are there, at least in
some capacity. Some people’s demons aren’t really that bad, and aren’t
excessively problematic or obviously destructive.
Some, however, are so damaging and blatantly ruinous that if
they are not dealt with head-on, the prognosis for the possessed is truly
perilous. Jails, institutions, and death is a common phrase amongst the
afflicted, and the phrase is referring to the ultimate endpoint for the
sufferer, when said demons are left unchecked.
These deadly demons to which I am so ominously referring are
the demons of addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness.
Demonic possession, whether one is taking the term literally
or figuratively, is the unwilling relinquishment of one's body to a demon,
which then controls a person's actions. The origins of these demons is still up
for debate, with arguments stating their emergence is the result of free will,
genetic disposition, or past experiences, amongst others. A full list of all
the contributing factors is almost limitless, and could take up an entire essay
in their own right.
In modern times, these demons take shape in the form of
medical diagnoses like Substance Use Disorder, Alcoholism, Bi Polar,
Schizophrenia, and Anxiety. In earlier times, these demons were thought to
literally be demons of supernatural and divine volition.
In Catholicism, they are the fallen angels that possessed
its unwitting earthly victims without knowledge or consent, leaving the
afflicted morally blameless. In Christianity, Satan is believed to engage in
“spiritual attacks” in the midst of the eternal battle between Heaven and Hell.
Islam holds the idea that malevolent creatures like Jinn, Shayatin, and
‘Afarit are held responsible for spirit possession.
The examples could go on ad infinitum, with African
diasporic traditions, Haitian Vodou, Buddhist Māra, imbalances on the Yin side
of Chinese theology, Wicca, and Shamanic traditions.
In contemporary times, of course, Demonic Possession is not
a psychiatric or medical diagnosis recognized by any of the accepted diagnosing
criteria, despite nearly 50% of people suffering from psychotic delusions
outright claiming possession of some spiritual or religious entity.
However, regardless of how possession is described in modern
times, Alcoholism and Addiction are diseases. In 1956, The American
Medical Association recognized alcoholism as an illness, based on the theory
that excessive drinking is caused by a disease that affects the structure and
function of the brain.
And the thing we deal with….this obsessive and compulsive
drinking and drug use…well it is a disease. And there is a stigma.
But unfortunately for the sick and suffering, that stigma is well-earned. It’s
rare that a person riddled with diseases of the body – the cancers, the flus,
the Covid – it’s rare that they steal and lie and fight and push away their
loved ones as a symptom of their disease. But that is what we do, and it’s
certainly what I did, when in the throes of active addiction and alcoholism.
Our disease is not only a disease of the mind, but a disease of spirit. As the
Big Book of AA says, the alcoholic disease is a spiritual malady. And that’s
precisely what it is.
Sometimes the malady is brought on by childhood trauma. Sometimes
there really isn’t any trauma. Many alcoholics and addicts had good parents who
were always there for them. They have no other alcoholics or drug addicts in the
family. Something in their makeup just makes them completely void of
spirituality, and it makes them turn to the drinks and drugs with a reckless
abandon and unstoppable obsession.
And this cunning and baffling disease has no bias towards anyone.
It doesn’t care if you are male or female, black or white, rich or poor. It
doesn’t care if you’re twelve years old or eighty. It just rears its ugly head
at every chance it gets, and it wants to take everything in your life.
Especially your heart and soul.
These demons, and this disease, are things that I have been
battling for decades, though I am proud and grateful to sincerely say that I
have dealt with them, and as of today, I am winning that battle.
But it takes vigilance, surrender, acceptance, and a humble
recognition that asking for help is required.
Because we need not face our troubles alone. Ever.
And you can’t give up when it gets hard. In recovery, you
can keep going long after you can’t. Because you are not alone. Even if
you have no other family, friends, or compassionate relationships with “normal”
people, you have the fellowships of twelve step programs, counselors, sponsors,
and spiritual advisors. You just need to ask, and you will never be
abandoned, even when you feel the most retched and reckless, the most isolated
and ill, and the most angry, pitiful, resentful, and vulnerable. When you feel
like pushing against the world, and caving in to get the instant gratification
of numbing the pain, and cowering from your problems, by turning to the bottle,
the needle, or the powder and pills.
Even though those Demons are there, something else is there
too. Something powerful. Because what also resides within us, is the strength,
the hope, and the courage to cast out those demons. To fight them to the bitter
end. But we can’t do it alone. We need the help of others, the suggestions of
the seasoned warriors of those demonic battles, the fellowship of AA….and our
Higher Power. And once we accept that help, and accept those
reinforcements…then eventually…life starts to take on new meaning. To watch
other people recover, then to see those people start to help others. To watch
loneliness vanish, and to see life grow all around you. It really is a gift…and
an experience that nobody should have to miss out on.
So never, ever give up. Life is out there, purpose is out
there, and joy is available. You just have to find it, work for it, and accept
it. And you must never, ever give up.
No matter what.
Mill P
