Kill Em With Kindness

I stumbled upon an NPR gem titled “When kindness becomes a habit, it improves our health” by Maria Godoy, which argues that simple acts—like tutoring kids or bringing soup to a neighbor—can boost both mental and physical well-being. It even references the Baltimore Experience Corps trial: older volunteers “didn’t experience declines in memory and executive function” and showed measurable increases in brain volume. The article quotes Tara Gruenewald: “Volunteering or doing an act of kindness can distract you from some of the problems that you might be having... it may help to give you more perspective."

Picture a neural TikTok: every “thank you” you receive floods your head with dopamine, oxytocin, and the smug satisfaction of knowing you’re basically evolving. Harvard’s Laura Kubzansky chimes in, noting that lowering stress from kindness may help protect your heart and brainI. n short, the brain literally gets buff from being nice.

Now, let’s get personal: I’ve skewed too generous at times—not just generous, but borderline martyr. People-pleasing was my drug of choice, the sticky sugar that fed a shame-fueled alcoholism spiral. I was pouring out kindness like it was free therapy, hoping each nod or smile would slap a Band-Aid on a shapeless, bushed-out shame. But kindness in overdose doesn’t heal—it corrodes.

Thankfully, I’m in recovery now. No longer bending like a reed in the wind of others’ expectations. I don’t coddle my self-worth on approval. But make no mistake—this is not a withdrawal from kindness. I’m not turning into a villain—just a sane, clean version of a kind person. I still tutor, I still drop off soup, I still listen. I’ve stripped the people-pleaser from the equation, but I’ve kept the essence intact—heart without leash, compassion without leash.

The NPR piece closes with a thought from Gruenewald: “we really can't go wrong when we engage in behaviors that aim to help others." And she’s right—when kindness isn’t a currency for affection, it’s a gift, a ripple. My recovery journey is proof: when kindness is authentic, unencumbered by self-loathing, it heals—not just others, but me too.

Curious for more? You’ll find my deeper reflections in my books, all linked at the top of my homepage. They explore this delicate dance between compassion and chaos, and how one finds clarity beyond the noise.

Read the full article here: https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/12/25/nx-s1-5233123/kindness-heart-brain-mental-health

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